Not much has changed since my last post a month ago. It feels to me as though wheels are spinning and Im simply hovering, but its not. Time has moved on and things are changing all around I am simply stuck in the rut of my mind. A broken tape that keeps rewinding. Obsessivly and compulsivly unable to let go and move forward. The spinning wheels are simply me.

T is out of that reading classroom now. The teacher in question still employed, however. We refrained from even filing a grievance with social services as we had originally planned. After much prayer and talk, we decided that as long as she has that and a potential report to the school board as well hovering over her head, she will behave and leave our child be in the hallways at the school. Report her and she has nothing to loose and she has proven she can effect him even if he isnt in her classroom. That seems to have been the right decision. She has left him completely alone. Much to our relif. My worry is that she has moved on to other students, perchance children of parents who dont have the desire or resolve to face her and report her wrongdoings to the principal. K tells me it isnt my job or my place to be a parent to those kids, they have parents. That we need to focus on the safety and well being of our own first and foremost. Hard for me to let go and do just that, but I say a prayer each night that maybe she has learned something, that her heart be softened and she treat her classes with the dignity and respect that all kids should have; that her temper be cured and she not take her frustrations out on the innocent.

Since she cant effect my child without major reprocussions, she has however taken to turning her attacks upon me. Most of the teachers in the primary wing have little to nothing to do with me now. Any conversaion is forced, smiles are insincere if they are even given. They dont reach the eyes. M tells me that talk of all these matters are STILL brewing around the faculty, that G keeps bringing up matters to everyone, that she wont let it just lie and be done. She has told lies about me and the situation at hand, and also created situations that never occured. I am pretty well resigned from it all really. I know in my heart she will eventually have to face what she has done. I am sure this is all in part to try to maybe get me to stop volunteering at the school. I know for a fact my presence there makes her extremely uncomfortable, even if we do not speak to one another. My desk faces out to the hall and guaranteed if she is walking down it, she forcably looks in the open door and skews up her face as though she had just bitten into something sour. If eyes could shoot lasers, I would be badly singed. I find it almost humorous that she cant just look forward down the hall and ignore me. That she feels compelled to have to look to see if I am there. As if by maybe her sheer force of will, I will vanish mid day into thin air and just cease to be. I dont seek her out for dirty looks. But then, I am an adult. Last two weeks my health has been less than good though and I have been unable to make it in. The following week, I hope for some changes there. I miss the kids.

T by the way, is thriving. We had his parent teacher confrence on the 3rd. Now that he is in the 3rd grade, they run on an A B C D F grade scale instead of Es and Ss. A higher, harder scale too. 92% is a B and not an A. He made the honor roll! He has a solid A in math and spelling. The rest of his grades are all B+, so close to being an A that he is practically an A student. His science grade, for example, is ONE point away from being an A-. everything else is within 2-5pts. Pretty amazing. This includes reading. he has a 90% for reading. The one class that everyone (aside from us) were concenred about for him with this change from G to his home room teachers class. She says that out of all her students he truely gives her no trouble. That he is helpful, and always well behaved. He is only sometimes off task, and she is helping him to recognise it within himself so that he can self correct, rather than coddle him and correct it for him constantly. First teacher to ever do that. She says it is working well and he is getting better. He is having more organization than he did at the begining of the year. He is completing assignments. That his 'daydreaming' isnt really daydreaming but rather that he is a deep thinker. When he is sitting and contemplating things it is more likely that he is looking at all angles of the problem rather than seeing things one dimentionally. She says all it takes to find that out is to ASK him. She says this is all reflected in his work and in the questions he asks in the classroom or on fieldtrips. When they went to the courthouse for a field trip a few weeks ago, he astounded the teachers and the workers with his well thought out questions. No other child came up with the ideas that he had, none could formulate their thoughts as he did. He is extremely creative and is showing an aptitude for writing. His stories are more thought out than most others, not to mention longer. Filled with more sensory detail than most children his age put forth. To say we are proud would be an understatement. HE says too, he thinks he might like to be a screenplay writer. He wouldnt mind writing movies. That or maybe design video games. The entire idea or concept, the script dialog for characters and places, the art for the world, everything from start to finish in its entirety. Or a meteorolgist or archeologist or geologist. He is fascinated with weather, rocks and dino bones. Its good to see him back on track with school and to have his self esteem back up where it should be. He did suffer some damage with that in Gs class but he is getting it back. Hearing how he did so far this first quarter and that he made the h onor roll was what sealed the deal. He knows again now that he is smart and worthy and that he can do whatever he puts his mind to.

There are also changes coming up with our rental in Colorado. Unable to put forth the effort that we need to have it taken care of, we are opting instead to sell it and just cut our losses. Our contract states that despite being able to fire D (with one mo. notice) that she gets first seller exclusivity rights. she has 90 days to sell the property exclusivly. If we let her go and turn around and hire another and put the house on the market, she has her hands in our wallet for 120 days past the termination point to still get her commission. We are going to Denver for 5 days tomorrow. K has meetings with the project he is working on in Westminster. My sister is taking T and Maizy for those days. While K has his meetings Wed and Thurs, I can be on the phone contacting realtors and gathering up information; setting up appointments to meet with folk on Friday. We are meeting with D at the house on Thurs. It is a long story, but we had mentioned to her 2 weeks ago our wanting to unload the house onto the market. She was to do a market analysis during that time and re contact us. Daily I phoned and daily I couldnt reach her. She never returned our calls either. K finally got ahold of her yesterday and she was CLUELESS as to the fact that we wanted to sell and hasnt done a thing to work it in that direction. I simply refuse to play these games anymore and I am ever so greatful that things have worked out so that we can be down there this week and will be able to fix things in person; able to work it all around Ks work. I called her this morning and amazingly got ahold of her. Since we are meeting her at our property instead of driving all the way out to her office in Aurora, I wanted to make sure that she remembered to bring all the paperwork that we would need to be signing with her to the house to get the home listed on the market. It was obvious she wasnt pleased about that. I got this long pause and then a resounding....Oh. well ok. Ill TRY to get everything together. She seemed astonished to hear (AGAIN) that we want to sell and are done playing these games of trying to keep or get the house rented. She also mentioned not remembering precisely the day or time we were to meet her as she didnt write it down in her appointment book or on her calendar! -BOGGLE- (good thing I called then, eh?) You would think as a realtor that she would want to cut her looses as well and sell and get her commission. She must, on some level, come out ahead as a property manager than a realtor. Otherwise she wouldnt be dragging her feet and pushing so hard to keep us as property managment clients. After the 90 days of having the house listed on the market with her, weather it sells or not, we can and will be free of her. We can then find another more suitable realtor, one who works closer to our property and one who has more fire in their belly. And who knows. Maybe by some weird fluke she will be able to sell it for a price we deem worthy. We dont even care anymore to make a proffit. To just break even. It is all we need. We have done nothing but take a loss on that house since the day we had to relocate. Three years that home has been a burdon. I do not see it improving at all over time. By the time it possibly could, it will have done so much damage in the lean years that anything good would be totally offset. Even when we had renters in that house, we still took a loss every month. We couldnt ever get the full mortgage ammount out of renters, we paid $400 a month out of pocket just to have someone in there. Thats not counting random upkeep and the fee to have D help run all that since we live so far away. Thats $4800 a year min. Times 3 years. Thats $14,400 we have LOST in three years. MINIMUM. Over 15k is more accurate. Her montly fee alone is a hundred bucks. That right there is a little over a grand annual. so shoot closer to 20k really. This isnt counting the time that its been vacent since the end of July and we have had to pay out the full mortgage. (an additonal 4500. more to come every month it sits unsold) Thats insane and absurd. We can not keep going on like that. That 20k could have paid off a credit card or two in full. Could have gone towards deleting our van payment. Could have gone into an actual investment that made us money, not lost us money. I am ever so greatful that K can see this now. He wanted to hold onto the house as an investemnt. To save it for retirement and let it be our nest egg. It seems to have been a goose egg instead. I think we are better off to unload it and once it sells, we wont have that burdon. We will get back an extra 500+ a mo. in our pocket. We can rest easier. I am nervous as all get out though. In the back of my mind run all these what ifs and senarios that play out badly. I have to keep focused on the light in front of me though, to feel his hand as it rests upon my shoulder, guiding me. All will work out as it always has in the past and I know that he will provide. Things are going well for T, this will work itself out too.

OH and also on some other good news....our terminally ill friend of the family, GP, who has cancer...it seems it is in remission for 1-3 years doctors say. He has suffered some odd nerve damage though, in the tips of his fingers and in his feet from his toes back. It hurts him to walk, he is in pain from his feet and he drops things a lot. But he was slated as stage 3 with not much time to live and the strong chance that the chemo and radiation wouldnt take. So far it has helped him somewhat. He is happy to have whatever time he is given extra to be with his family and loved ones. This is my dads best friend, and he has been almost like a second parent to me and my sister. Prayers are being answered. I need to realize that they will for us as well in conjunction with this house. Thinking positive and keeping faith is sometimes hard for me when things wear down for such a long time. Doesnt help that my health has been faltering so I am not feeling the best physically. At the same point, a part of me is feeling excited and greatful to have the ability to go to Denver and get this sorted out. I just have to keep clinging to that. And know that it will work out the way it is ment to. God is helping us, as we have asked, as he always does.